As we enter the spring party season, Merrily offers guidance for properly inviting friends to all manner of parties.
I don’t know about you, reader, but for me the routine task of sorting through the day’s mail suddenly turns thrilling when there, amidst the bills, catalogs, and other dross is that increasingly rare jewel: the hand-addressed party invitation. When there is no such treasure—most days—it is a bit of a letdown.
Which is not to say I don’t love getting an e-vite, text, voicemail, or email invitation. In fact, I would submit that great parties happen more often because our devices allow us to easily issue invitations. But there is something singularly exciting about getting a printed invitation.
Printed Invitations are Worth the Effort
Nobody understands the value of printed invitations better than Trish Church Podlasek, owner of chic stationery purveyor Cuorebella in Mission Farms. “A printed invitation conveys a sense of occasion, signaling to guests that the gathering is significant and worthy of celebration.” Trish says. “Even if it’s for a pool party or drinks by the fireplace, sending a printed invitation sets a special tone and gives guests a tactile reminder of the fun that’s to come.”
If you want to send a hip-looking invitation for a fun party, Trish says you can look to fashion magazines for design inspiration. “Invitation design trends follow fashion trends,” she points out. You’ll note that I specify party invitations. The rules are different for weddings.
A Word About Wedding Invitations
Call us old-fashioned, but Trish and I both agree that the format and wording of a proper, traditional wedding invitation is not to be messed with.
A wedding, at its heart, is a sacred event. The invitation to one’s nuptials is no place to make a bold fashion statement or show off your best friend’s amazing graphic design skills. If being socially correct matters to you—and if it doesn’t, you do you, Boo—a traditional invitation embellished with your own personal touches is the best thing. Google Miss Manners or Emily Post for correct wording options.
Round Up the Usual Suspects
For smaller, more spontaneous parties, it’s perfectly acceptable to text, email, or call around to find out who can come. In fact, I encourage you to do this right away, before you change your mind, because fortune favors the bold, and you’ll never regret having that party.
Once people have confirmed, you can follow up later with more details. Guests really appreciate it if you send a final “can’t wait to see you!” reminder text or email the day before the party with start time, your address and other cogent info.
If you have time to send a casual invitation through the post, this is a perfect use for your personal stationery. You can keep the wording very simple. All invitations need to communicate the basics: time, address, what to wear, and how much one can expect to be fed. You almost can word it telegraphically, e.g. Drinks and din—Saturday, June 1, 7 p.m.—Pemberly Estate—casual, darling. Personalized correspondence cards, if you don’t have them, are well worth the investment. Trish says you can order a beautiful set at Cuorebella.
Fabulous, Hand-Delivered Invitations? Ooo-La La!
If you’re hosting a fancy, themed event, up the style quotient and have invitations delivered that are tied to the party’s theme and become gifts in themselves. One of the nicest invitations I’ve ever received was to a French-themed dinner to celebrate a couple getting married. It was delivered to my front door on a Sunday morning (so thoughtful!): a custom-designed basket containing freshly baked croissants accompanied by little jars of jam and butter and, of course, a printed invitation to the party. I also remember receiving: a chic black apron personalized with my name, in the pocket of which was an invitation to a cooking class-themed birthday party; a kooky pair of sunglasses with a summons to a pool party (I still keep them in my glovebox for emergencies); and a small metal bucket containing a red-checked napkin, a wooden mallet and an invite to a low country boil. Whatever your theme, you’ll find lots of ideas on Etsy.
How to be Excruciatingly Correct
Many otherwise educated people make the mistake of saying “please RSVP.” Since r.s.v.p. (always lower case, you’re not shouting after all) stands for the French phrase, répondez, s’il vous plaît, which means “please reply,” you’ve already said please. No need to repeat yourself.
Another common mistake made by people who should know better is listing the man first in social correspondence. The woman’s name always comes first, e.g. Brittany and Patrick Mahomes, never Patrick and Brittany. Ditto with unmarried couples, e.g. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. With same-sex couples, the names go alphabetically by last name. e.g. David Furnish and Elton John. And finally, people are always misusing the honorific “Mrs.” Mrs. means “wife of.” So, I am addressed either as Mrs. James B. Jackson (I still am, even though I am a widow) or Ms. Merrily Jackson. I am not Mrs. Merrily Jackson. Were I a divorcee or any other manner of unmarried person, I would also be Ms. Merrily Jackson.
E-vites Can Be Thrilling, Too
E-vites have risen in popularity in the last five years. One simply cannot ignore how practical they are for the host. And there are certain clear advantages to the invitees, for example being able to see who else has been invited, so you know to whom you can mention the party. Which brings up another important point about invitations of any kind. Never talk about parties to which you’ve been invited in front of those whom you don’t know definitely to have been invited. It hurts to feel excluded.
Remember that the host can see the exact moment when you view an e-vite, so you totally can get busted for not replying in a timely fashion. It’s best to respond within two days of viewing.
If you wish to be clever in creating any kind of invitation, remember that brevity is the soul of wit. I once got a Paperless Post e-vite that made me laugh out loud. It said simply “Ben. 50. Tears. Cocktails.” and then the time and place. (Note: The honoree’s name has been changed to protect the feelings of the uninvited.)
Cheers to Your Well-Deserved Success
Whichever form your invitation takes, good on you for sending it. Extending an invitation requires thoughtfulness and a kind of courage, especially when you are inviting people to your home. If inviting people makes you nervous, join the crowd. The most self-confident, wonderful people tell me how terrified they are to have people over, even if it’s only dinner for a couple of friends. Just know how deeply such invitations—be they ever so grand or humble—matter in people’s lives.
A Handy Guide to Invitation Timing
Whether you’re mailing invitations or inviting guests by e-vite, text, or phone, you don’t want to invite guests so early they forget, or so late they’re booked. Here are my suggested guidelines.
- Anniversary Party
3 to 4 weeks before the event - Bar or Bat Mitzvah
8 weeks - Baby or Bridal Shower
4 to 5 weeks - Birthday Party
2 to 4 weeks - Casual Drinks
Same day to 2 weeks - Cocktail Party
2 to 4 weeks - Fancy Dinner Party
3 to 4 weeks - Fundraising Event
2 months (save the date six months) - Graduation Party
4 to 6 weeks - Holiday Party
2 to 4 weeks - Impromptu Dinner
Same day to 1 week - Let’s Do Lunch
Same day to 3 weeks - Thanksgiving Dinner
4 to 8 weeks - Wedding
2 months (save the date 6 months)