It’s November, which means the fun of the holiday party season is fast approaching. Here are a few tips—bossy and highly opinionated tips, but solid even so—to help you shine as a guest, or at very least get invited back.
Reply pronto to the invitation. A speedy response shows respect for the host. Even if you must decline, act swiftly. Doing otherwise might suggest you are waiting for a better offer, and that’s just tacky.
Arrive on time, but never early. Not even a few minutes early. Arriving early is ruder than being late.
Bring the fun you. Show up in a jovial—sometimes we have to fake it to make it—mood, ready to shake off the cares of the day and make merry with the other guests. It’s the best gift you can give your host.
Know what’s going on in the world. Some of us are news junkies. If you are not, try to read or watch the news before you leave for the party. Also, it’s not weird to check out the Instagram or Facebook pages of those you know will be there. Instant conversation fodder! Or not.
Listen as much as you talk. Don’t be a bore, darling. Ask questions, don’t interrupt to turn the conversation back to yourself, and don’t ramble.
Drink moderately. There’s nothing cute about getting drunk at a party. Same goes for showing up hammered. Resist any urge to calm pre-party jitters with a dressing drink or four.
Politics: don’t go there. This is prudent now more than ever. There are a million other things to talk about.
Say nice things to the hosts. It takes effort to host a party. A simple “I’ve been looking forward to this” or “your house looks great” will go a long way in showing your appreciation.
Stay out of the kitchen. “Please stand right smack dab in front of my sink and hold court,” said no host ever. Give your hosts and helpers room to do their thing, unless you’re helping too (always offer), or they’ve indicated they want people to gather in the kitchen. This applies especially to Thanksgiving dinner.
If you’re bringing a dish, prepare everything at home. Tote with you everything needed to present the dish: serving dish, utensils, garnishes, etc. If you’re bringing something that needs to be served icy cold or piping hot, call ahead to ascertain freezer, fridge, oven, or burner space.
Don’t say goodbye. If it’s a big, crowded party, it’s perfectly okay to ghost. You don’t want to make a show of the fact you’re leaving. It distracts from the fun and can even cause a chain reaction. Send a goodbye text instead.
Do say thank you. A handwritten note is best, and easier to write if dashed off promptly. If you are time-challenged, a quick phone call or a brief, heartfelt text or email is much better than nothing.
Thoughtful Hostess Gifts
Oven Mitt from Pryde’s
Our potholders are in frightful shape by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. Pryde’s Kitchen and Necessities has a huge variety of potholders, any of which would be a welcome addition to your host’s kitchen.
Apron from Pear Tree
Pear Tree Antiques and Design sells this inspired-by-nature linen apron from celebrated British homeware brand Sophie Allport. $55
Hand soap from Terrasi Living
Ortigia Sicilia Ambra Nera Liquid Soap, made in Sicily, smells heavenly and is beautifully packaged. $62 from Terrasi Living.
Bottle of Veuve Clicquot Brut or Taittinger Champagne Brut
What’s not to like about a fifth of fancy French Champagne? Available at your nearest respectable liquor store.
Grab-and-go flowers in vase
Most florists have grab-and-go flowers in pretty glass vases, making for a lovely hostess gift. Avoid bringing loose flowers that force a busy host to drop everything to find a vase and arrange them.
Be Ready When the Luck Happens by Ina Garten
Bring the latest book in a genre your host enjoys. Write a sweet inscription.
Giftable Peanut Clusters
These scrumptious little goodies make swell hostess gifts. I found this recipe decades ago in Sassafras, the excellent cookbook from the Junior League of Springfield, Missouri, and have made it many times since. It’s so easy you will feel guilty about all the compliments but accept them anyway.
Makes six dozen (approximately)
- 6 ounces butterscotch chips
- 6 ounces good-quality semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 2 tablespoons peanut butter, creamy or crunchy
- 2 cups salted Spanish peanuts
Melt chips and peanut butter on top of a double boiler over low heat. Stir constantly. Add peanuts and stir well. Drop from a teaspoon onto wax paper. Cool. Store in a covered container in refrigerator.
Ask Merrily: Find answers to all your entertaining questions.
Q: My wife and I enjoy giving parties. At our last party a friend we had invited showed up with a plus one. We had not invited him to bring a friend. We were hospitable, but it annoyed us both. Were we being petty? How do you handle an uninvited guest?
A: It’s bad form to bring a guest to a party without first clearing it with the host. All the same, your only civilized course of action is to roll with it, as you did, and make the uninvited person feel welcome. There’s no point in getting upset about it, since the whole reason we entertain is to have a good time and help guests do the same.
If it’s a sit-down dinner, you have no choice but to be gracious and squeeze in another chair and place setting. But I would leave your poorly mannered friend off future guest lists for a while.
Do you have a question about entertaining? Email it to mjackson@inkansascity.com